Joke of the day - Page 12

Shabbaman · 09-04-2008, 14:22

Only in Texas

Robi D · 09-04-2008, 14:30

Robi D · 24-05-2008, 06:44

Married Life

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'

ProPain · 24-05-2008, 13:42

rofl

Tubby Rower · 23-06-2008, 16:15

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The
man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the
pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the
morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out
there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped
us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing." replied the drunk.

Robi D · 09-07-2008, 11:52

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Geoffrey, the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Geoffrey in the pool! Geoffrey was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! Geoffrey was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the crocthrough the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Geoffrey and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Geoffrey strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a goldfish. Geoffrey then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Geoffrey, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'Nah, you all right, I don't want it.' said Geoffrey

The rich man said 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it.' answered Geoffrey.

The host said 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again Geoffrey said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Geoffrey, then what do you want?'

Geoffrey said, 'I want the name of the cunt who pushed me in the pool!'

Rik Meleet · 09-07-2008, 22:11

Continuing on the Aboriginal theme; a political incorrect one.

Why aren't there any Aboriginals in the Star Trek series?
Because they won't work in the future either.

Beorn · 10-07-2008, 04:59

Found it, Mauer:

Robi D · 20-09-2008, 10:55

34.01KB

Robi D · 20-09-2008, 18:15

Classic

47.39KB

09-04-2008, 14:22	#111
Shabbaman Administrator Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Costa La Haya Posts: 8,493	Only in Texas __________________ "Our spam is backed with COMETS!"

09-04-2008, 14:30	#112
Robi D King Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Adelaide, Australia. Posts: 2,060	__________________ "I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia!

24-05-2008, 06:44	#113
Robi D King Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Adelaide, Australia. Posts: 2,060	Married Life Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes . After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.' The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.' The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?' __________________ "I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia!

24-05-2008, 13:42	#114
ProPain Customized Admin :) Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: sailing the seas of cheese. Posts: 5,852	rofl __________________ I fed my Dog the American Dream Well, he rolled over and he started to scream He said, I dig the taste of salt but it don't keep me alive yeah, yeah

23-06-2008, 16:15	#115
Tubby Rower Moderator Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Middle of VA. Posts: 3,896	A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing." replied the drunk. __________________ 3/2006 : Now, surely that must be because some fists might have caused internal damage to certain delicate parts?

09-07-2008, 11:52	#116
Robi D King Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Adelaide, Australia. Posts: 2,060	A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Geoffrey, the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in. The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Geoffrey in the pool! Geoffrey was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! Geoffrey was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the crocthrough the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Geoffrey and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Geoffrey strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a goldfish. Geoffrey then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the host says, 'Well, Geoffrey, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 'Nah, you all right, I don't want it.' said Geoffrey The rich man said 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?' 'No thanks. I don't want it.' answered Geoffrey. The host said 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' Again Geoffrey said no. Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Geoffrey, then what do you want?' Geoffrey said, 'I want the name of the cunt who pushed me in the pool!' __________________ "I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia!

09-07-2008, 22:11	#117
Rik Meleet Moderator Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Nijmegen, Netherlands. Posts: 2,502	Continuing on the Aboriginal theme; a political incorrect one. Why aren't there any Aboriginals in the Star Trek series? Because they won't work in the future either. __________________ Social life ? Sounds like fun !! Where can I download that ?

10-07-2008, 04:59	#118
Beorn Disabled Vet Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: RAWR! Posts: 1,555	Found it, Mauer: __________________ Please do not annoy, torment, pester, plague, molest, worry, badger, harry, harrass, heckle, persecute, irk, bullyrag, vex, disquiet, grate, beset, bother, tease, nettle, tantalize or ruffle the animals. San Diego Wild Animal Park

20-09-2008, 10:55	#119
Robi D King Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Adelaide, Australia. Posts: 2,060	34.01KB __________________ "I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia!

20-09-2008, 18:15	#120
Robi D King Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Adelaide, Australia. Posts: 2,060	Classic 47.39KB __________________ "I'm altering the deal, prey I don't alter it further" Darth Vader "We shall defend what is ours. We shall never surrender" --Kosovo is Serbia!