Is it fair to demand silence when you go to bed? - Page 2

anarres · 31-03-2003, 15:26

Some more facts:

When I said he was abnormal, I was refering to the level of noise that he finds acceptable (i.e. NONE).

I own the house.

Lodger A was the last person to move in, he may not have known we are both night owls, but at the time he made no requests about requiring total silence when he goes to bed.

Regarding 'House' rules, we have very few, except that you clean up after yourself and respect the other people living there. This is OK for 95% of situations, but I am not going to make a million and one rules about every little thing in advance, just on the offchance they come up.

Regarding 'Respecting Boundaries', I suppose it all comes down to what is a reasonable boundary. Is it reasonable for Lodger A to say his boundary is total silence after 11pm? Is he respecting our boundaries by asking us to significantly change our lives to meet his (unusual) requirements?

If it isn't obvious, I am deciding whether or not to ask him to leave.

Shabbaman · 31-03-2003, 15:37

No sound at all isn't reasonable. As I view it, if I don't make noise, the neighbours will. You can't find a home without the occasional noise (as in, sound).

Ask him to adapt, for his own interest. You're actually willing to compromise with him, he's a lucky man. He won't find a quiet place that easily (I'm assuming it's not better in the UK than it's over here)...

Melifluous · 31-03-2003, 15:46

Melifluous appears, points repeatedly to his previous post, rubs out the rude words and crafts around it a wonderfully evocative and persuasive arguement which encompasses his thoughts on the matter. Pours the whole thing into the factional distillation machine and it emerges shiny and new, gleaming with import and beauty.

1). Your House.
2). Man (not wife) telling you what to do in it
3). Explain that you cannot be dictated to in your own house
4). Kick him out

Addendum: Get fit bird in

Melifluous

PS. Just cos its flippant dont mean it aint right

anarres · 31-03-2003, 16:04

I heard you first time mel, and bottom line is that I can kick him out my house.

The question is whether or not he is being reasonable in his complaints.

Regarding 'fit bird' remark, I agree, it was luck (or lack thereof) that landed me with two blokes. I think that in 2 years I have had 3 women and 4 blokes. It was a much nicer house when I was living with 2 fit women!

col · 31-03-2003, 16:15

Lodger A works as a ... teacher. Theres your problem.

Ok - after a few months we all go crazy. He cant stand it at work any more and needs a little peace and quiet.

Sounds like he's about to breakdown in a big way. Seen it happen to people several times. Found a friend of mine curled up into a ball and she syateyed that way for several days. Found another who just couldnt leave the house for several weeks....

The not being able to sleep bit is a symptom of a LOT of stress and not good. Suggest he seeks medical help URGENTLY.

ProPain · 31-03-2003, 16:24

IMO asking utter silence after 11pm is NOT reasonable. Usually you have noises from outside your house after 11pm any way. I lived next to Rotterdam Railway Station for 2 years, now I have neighbours with very young children who sometimes cry at night. Noises and sounds after 11pm are a fact of life. I think your roommate's request is unreasonable, and if things really bother him so much he should find an appartment of his own.

Also I think you both are making a more than reasonable effort to keep silent already. Reasonability should be a two-way street IMO, earplugs or move.

And of course, next time go for the young, great looking, horny, single blond.

Shabbaman · 31-03-2003, 18:20

Quote:

quote:Originally posted by ProPain

I lived next to Rotterdam Railway Station for 2 years[/b]

In the ghetto... And his mother cried... In the ghetto...

And still you're a PSV supporter?

BTW, sounds like Col's speaking from experience. Maybe you should point out to lodger A that it isn't really natural. Sort of a last chance before you kick him out (since I take it that you do like him besides his whining...)

ERIKK · 31-03-2003, 19:56

Quote:

quote:Originally posted by Shabbaman
And still you're a PSV supporter?

Oh no!!! He is lost for life!!!

Anyway, if lodger A has problems at work, it would be rude to kick him out because the symptons of his problems annoy you!

Anarres, you are one rich anarchist if you own a house and are able to rent room to two other persons!!!

LOL

anarres · 31-03-2003, 20:32

Actually, I am a poor anarchist, but a happy one.

I was earning a lot of money 2 years ago, and I managed to get a morgage 4 times my salary. I bought a 3 bed terraced house and I make enough from 2 lodgers to make my rent only a bit more expensive than renting a room in a shared house. I now earn £6000 less, but I can still afford my house. When I was made redundant for 6 months I nearly lost everything, but somehow managed to scrape though gaining an extra £2000 of debt.

I can confidentally say that my Lodger A is not suffering from any work related problems. He enjoys his job very much, and he is quitting in the summer to live and teach abroad. Every 6-12 months he will move somewhere else in Europe, teching and having fun. Bottom line is that he is not stressed from work. Both my parents are teachers, and I am aware of the associated issues that can go with it.

He does have alcohol related issues though. A close friend of mine was an alcoholic, I have lived with them before. Although I wouldn't call him classically alcoholic he definitly has issues, which I have tried to talk to him about with limited success. It probably is his alcohol issues that he is finding it difficult to get to sleep, but I don't think it is a short term thing.

At the end of the day I feel no guilt over throwing him out if we can't live together in peace, maintaining the status quo will help no one.

ERIKK · 31-03-2003, 20:40

Wow! 6000 pounds. Before taxes I suppose... But then again you live an a city that is brutally expensive from what I have heard! Also having roommates is fun. I lived with a roommate in innercity-Amsterdam when I was a student and it was fun (for 4 years)!!!

31-03-2003, 15:26	#11
anarres anarchist butcher Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: United States of Whatever. Posts: 4,677	Some more facts: When I said he was abnormal, I was refering to the level of noise that he finds acceptable (i.e. NONE). I own the house. Lodger A was the last person to move in, he may not have known we are both night owls, but at the time he made no requests about requiring total silence when he goes to bed. Regarding 'House' rules, we have very few, except that you clean up after yourself and respect the other people living there. This is OK for 95% of situations, but I am not going to make a million and one rules about every little thing in advance, just on the offchance they come up. Regarding 'Respecting Boundaries', I suppose it all comes down to what is a reasonable boundary. Is it reasonable for Lodger A to say his boundary is total silence after 11pm? Is he respecting our boundaries by asking us to significantly change our lives to meet his (unusual) requirements? If it isn't obvious, I am deciding whether or not to ask him to leave. __________________ <b>Calculate the probability of culture flips: Flip Calc</b>

31-03-2003, 15:37	#12
Shabbaman Administrator Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Costa La Haya Posts: 8,493	No sound at all isn't reasonable. As I view it, if I don't make noise, the neighbours will. You can't find a home without the occasional noise (as in, sound). Ask him to adapt, for his own interest. You're actually willing to compromise with him, he's a lucky man. He won't find a quiet place that easily (I'm assuming it's not better in the UK than it's over here)... __________________ "Our spam is backed with COMETS!"

31-03-2003, 15:46	#13
Melifluous Administrator Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: In the bar with SF. Posts: 3,024	Melifluous appears, points repeatedly to his previous post, rubs out the rude words and crafts around it a wonderfully evocative and persuasive arguement which encompasses his thoughts on the matter. Pours the whole thing into the factional distillation machine and it emerges shiny and new, gleaming with import and beauty. 1). Your House. 2). Man (not wife) telling you what to do in it 3). Explain that you cannot be dictated to in your own house 4). Kick him out Addendum: Get fit bird in Melifluous PS. Just cos its flippant dont mean it aint right __________________ Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy, It's divine to own a dick. From the tiniest little tadger To the world's biggest prick! So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas. Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake.

31-03-2003, 16:04	#14
anarres anarchist butcher Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: United States of Whatever. Posts: 4,677	I heard you first time mel, and bottom line is that I can kick him out my house. The question is whether or not he is being reasonable in his complaints. Regarding 'fit bird' remark, I agree, it was luck (or lack thereof) that landed me with two blokes. I think that in 2 years I have had 3 women and 4 blokes. It was a much nicer house when I was living with 2 fit women! __________________ <b>Calculate the probability of culture flips: Flip Calc</b>

31-03-2003, 16:15	#15
col King Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: South Sandwich Islands. Posts: 1,529	Lodger A works as a ... teacher. Theres your problem. Ok - after a few months we all go crazy. He cant stand it at work any more and needs a little peace and quiet. Sounds like he's about to breakdown in a big way. Seen it happen to people several times. Found a friend of mine curled up into a ball and she syateyed that way for several days. Found another who just couldnt leave the house for several weeks.... The not being able to sleep bit is a symptom of a LOT of stress and not good. Suggest he seeks medical help URGENTLY. __________________ I can't be arsed.

31-03-2003, 16:24	#16
ProPain Customized Admin :) Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: sailing the seas of cheese. Posts: 5,852	IMO asking utter silence after 11pm is NOT reasonable. Usually you have noises from outside your house after 11pm any way. I lived next to Rotterdam Railway Station for 2 years, now I have neighbours with very young children who sometimes cry at night. Noises and sounds after 11pm are a fact of life. I think your roommate's request is unreasonable, and if things really bother him so much he should find an appartment of his own. Also I think you both are making a more than reasonable effort to keep silent already. Reasonability should be a two-way street IMO, earplugs or move. And of course, next time go for the young, great looking, horny, single blond. __________________ I fed my Dog the American Dream Well, he rolled over and he started to scream He said, I dig the taste of salt but it don't keep me alive yeah, yeah

31-03-2003, 20:32	#19
anarres anarchist butcher Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: United States of Whatever. Posts: 4,677	Actually, I am a poor anarchist, but a happy one. I was earning a lot of money 2 years ago, and I managed to get a morgage 4 times my salary. I bought a 3 bed terraced house and I make enough from 2 lodgers to make my rent only a bit more expensive than renting a room in a shared house. I now earn £6000 less, but I can still afford my house. When I was made redundant for 6 months I nearly lost everything, but somehow managed to scrape though gaining an extra £2000 of debt. I can confidentally say that my Lodger A is not suffering from any work related problems. He enjoys his job very much, and he is quitting in the summer to live and teach abroad. Every 6-12 months he will move somewhere else in Europe, teching and having fun. Bottom line is that he is not stressed from work. Both my parents are teachers, and I am aware of the associated issues that can go with it. He does have alcohol related issues though. A close friend of mine was an alcoholic, I have lived with them before. Although I wouldn't call him classically alcoholic he definitly has issues, which I have tried to talk to him about with limited success. It probably is his alcohol issues that he is finding it difficult to get to sleep, but I don't think it is a short term thing. At the end of the day I feel no guilt over throwing him out if we can't live together in peace, maintaining the status quo will help no one. __________________ <b>Calculate the probability of culture flips: Flip Calc</b>

31-03-2003, 20:40	#20
ERIKK Moderator Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Netherlands!. Posts: 2,636	Wow! 6000 pounds. Before taxes I suppose... But then again you live an a city that is brutally expensive from what I have heard! Also having roommates is fun. I lived with a roommate in innercity-Amsterdam when I was a student and it was fun (for 4 years)!!!