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Old 23-11-2006, 05:11   #1
Robi D
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Default Joke of the day

I get lots of these so i figured i'd put them here for all to have a laugh. Feel free to spam your own jokes too.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment
was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the
neighbourhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot!", he shouted.
A few moments passed . "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving"
"Jason is on his skate board...."
A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
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Old 23-11-2006, 19:29   #2
BCLG100
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lol

i only ever get crap spam
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Old 23-11-2006, 21:10   #3
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This is the last joke I LOLed:

A husband wakes up with a huge hangover the night after a business
function.

He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And,
next to them, a single red rose. The husband sits up in bed and sees
his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins,
cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the
stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen
and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. The husband asks, "Son . .
what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out
of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got
that black eye when you ran into the door."

The husband asks, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so
clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT! . . . Mom dragged you to the bedroom
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone,
bitch, I'm married!!'!"

Broken table--$200
Hot breakfast--$5
Red rose bud--$3
Two aspirins--$.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . . PRICELESS
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Old 23-11-2006, 23:46   #4
akots
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I've posted this somewhere else iirc, but not here.

A Russian businessman got really drunk on a banquet into oblivion then went to some postitute which had menstruation. Next morning he wakes up and does not remember a thing about yesterday's events. He walks down to bathroom and while looking in the mirror notices his hands are bloody. So he thinks, - Shit, I must have killed someone yesterday night! He looks again in the mirror and thinks, - Crap, and then I ate him!
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Old 24-11-2006, 01:20   #5
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Variety on akots' joke:

Guy wakes up after a heavy night of drinking. Gets out of bed, checks his jacquet pockets and a bra comes out; Checks his pants pocket and female undies come out. Walks into the bathroom to splash some water in his face, looks in the mirror and a little thread is hanging out of the corner of his mouth and he says to himself: 'I sure hope that's just a teabag.....'
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Old 24-11-2006, 08:35   #6
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Old 24-11-2006, 11:04   #7
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Old 24-11-2006, 11:11   #8
Robi D
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That was disgustingly funny ProPain

Here's another one from me

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew,a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen."
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Old 24-11-2006, 11:58   #9
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[snicker]
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Old 24-11-2006, 12:07   #10
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Rather old one:

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
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