Is it fair to demand silence when you go to bed?
 

I have a question about acceptable behavior when living in the same house as someone else.

I have 2 lodgers in my house, both friends of mine from before they moved in.

Lodger 'A' is nice enough most of the time, but when he is drunk you want to smack him hard in the face [B)] (and I am a pacifist!). Lodger A works as an EFL teacher (English as a foreign language).

Loder 'B' is a hippie. He is a very nice person, a bit of a metal-freak, jobless and a part-time student.

All seemed to be OK, until recently Lodger A started having problems sleeping. It appears now that unless he has TOTAL silence he can not sleep at all. I personally think it is related to his drinking problems, now that he has cut back on his drinking substantially.

Lodger B (being unemployed, and a bit unusual in his habits anyway) likes to play his guitar at all times of the day and night. Being aware that Lodger A is a light sleeper both Lodger B and myself go to great lengths not to make much noise at night (sometimes Lodger A goes to bed at 11pm!!). Lodger B now plays his guitar though headphones so that Lodger A won't hear him.

This may have just been about workable, except that now Lodger A claims not to be able to sleep even when Lodger B is playing his guitar in his bedroom, with his door closed and his headphones on! Lodger B has been told he can play his guitar through headphones, but only downstairs. I am also not allowed the TV on in my bedroom above whispering level, and if I want to talk to Lodger B late at night we must either whisper or go downstairs.

I am really pissed off about this. I know Lodger A has to get sleep for work, but I don't believe that requiring TOTAL silence is normal. Also, he is really rude if you keep him awake. Instead of telling you 5 minutes after getting in to bed, he lies there for an hour, then gets up and shouts insults at the top of his voice.

So, my question is:

Is it reasonable to expect total and utter silence when you go to bed, taking in to account that different people in the house may be awake for another 4 or 5 hours after you go to bed?

I really feel sorry for lodger A, having to live with two nightcrawlers! :D

But serious: this guy should face the facts! He cannot demand total silence so have him buy some 'ear-dops'!

Hippies, burn them all[:p]

No, seriously. Until recent I lived in a house with 3 others, 2 of them students, 1 of them a junkie in rehab. Apparently, some people lack every form of self control. One would suspect that there's a certain degree of social skill in every one of us, but that's simply not true.
Living with other people is always difficult if you're in a different (bio)rythm. Among students, this comes forth quite clear. For 'civilians', you'd expect that people try to go to bed approximately on the same time. In your case, you should point out to your inmate what he'd do if he'd live next to the railroad track.

Hell, he shouldn't even complain: if he isn't bothered with sounds from outside the house, he's statistically one in thousand, so he's pretty lucky... Buy him ear plugs.

Hmmm, Erik beat me to it... I think 'ear dop' isn't english though [:p]

The most stupid thing of all is that Lodger A refuses to believe that he is abmormal in this respect! I have offered to buy him earplugs but he just laughs at me as though I am joking...

I know a lot of students who are actually sleeping with ear plugs.

Ah Lodger, what a lovely word huh?

Did this imply that you indeed have some control over their use of the house?

If it does kick the ungrateful fuck outta your house? Telling YOU what to do in YOUR house? See how fucking quiet it is under a fucking railway bridge?

Tosser.

If he was halfway decent (sorry guys, kinda getting a bit loud, could you chill a bit please) or prepared to compromise I would be a bit fairer on him.

Kick him out, get some tasty bird in...

Melifluous

Well, if he means that must of the working people go to bed around 11 o'clock he is probably right I guess...

But the rules for living together are to be made by the people who live together IMO! You guys should make some houserules to avoid fights.

You should respect his boundries and him yours. If you can't then you have a problem D::::

BTW, you musn't underestimate how sounds are perchieved whilst attempting to sleep. When you're lying in bed most sounds are louder than they actually are (well, of course they are not, but that's how you 'hear' it). I think that guitar can be extremely noisy.

(and annoying, one of my former 'lodgers' played guitar)

Anyway, "It appears now that unless he has TOTAL silence he can not sleep at all." points to some serious psychic deviation. You could be right about the alcohol part, it might be some cold turkey effect. He probably didn't go to bed sober in years...

I'm with meli on the bird argument.