What B needs to bike thru the US
 

B is pyschotic and is biking thru the US this summer. We need to help him pack. Please list five things he needs.

1. Handgun. 9mm or bigger. Chicks dig big guns.
2. Passport. Granted our border patrol is a joke, but even they don't buy that "girlfriend in Canada" story
3. American dollars. Pole dancers don't take Canadian.
4. Hair. Bald people are profiled at INS.
5. a "Guide to the Deep South" or "Hey, You look mighty cute in them shorts." See also Tubby's guide to barb b q.

Passport is not needed to cros the land border ... truckers would HATE that.

Canadian chicks don't dig big guns.

I definitely do not want to have to get a haircut halfway through so I'm leaving Montreal shaved bald.

Pole dancers will dig the accent though.

I'll try to keep rebuttling whatever's said here. All i need is a bit of love and some hardcore bull-headedness.

wow, that's a serious ride. What is your route?

I asked the local car association thing for a "secondary routes" trip track and I'll have an answer within long. I'll pretty much follow the coast. Through NY there's a nice bike-shared road spanning north to south, after that it's a bit less organized in general.

five things you need in America:
1) A bike path. Cars don't share too well
2) A good pair or three of compression shorts. Nothing like having "The boys" rubbed raw and getting infected
3) A nutrition plan. You will burn way too much energy to replace with normal eating, and too much fast food will give you the runs and diaper rash
4) A sissy seat. Nothing like getting your posterior pummeled for 40 straight days or so
5) A massuese. after 3 days on the road your legs are going to cramp like a mofo, and you will walk like Quasimodo if you don't get them worked on.

I just realized I didn't answer you, gram. Montreal - Tampa is the original plan, will add or remove as the shape goes on or off. Key West would be the first extention, maybe come back through Texas and Louisiana to witness the hicksfirst hand and eat the original Cajun. That would also open up Idiot land but then it would make me come back through the Appalachians and I was trying to avoid that.

I really wonder wether cars share better in the US than in Quebec, since here cars don't even remotely consider sharing for pedestrians. Jaywalking is a consequenceless habit here because whatever you do, cars won't let you go, so you just cross whenever you see an opening. But cars are cars and I wouldn't be surprised that they don't share any more than they do here.

Give me a PM if you come in Louisiana. I can help you stay clear of the bad areas and give you some suggestions on food places...got to keep you out of the tourist traps to taste some real Cajun food. Here is teh first hint...if its too spicy to eat..its not Real Cajun food, its Touristy Cajun food.

Mississippi and Alabama are your hick states. If you stay South of i-10 in Louisiana you avoid the hicks(red necks).

I have a link at work of a guy who road from Mexico to Maine...I will try to remember to post it

Appalachia is where the cheap women and and beer is at.

You could combine this with eating only McDonalds the whole way and film the fun.

I havent set foot in a McDo for years and I dont intend to start now!!!

B--did my links help at all? You really need to write about this. You should start out speaking French to people and see how that works out for you.

Kind of a Canadian Borat thing.