Helpdesk questions

[Matrix]

These are question/situations that helpdesk employees actually had. They're fucking hilareous! [lol]

Helpdesk: "How can I help you?"
Customer: "I'm writing my first e-mail."
Helpdesk: "Okay, and what's the problem?"
Customer: "Well, I can get the letter a. But how do I put a circle around it?"

Customer: "I can't receive any e-mail."
Helpdesk: "What software do you use?"
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Helpdesk: (sigh) "Where do yuo receive your e-mail?"
Customer: "On my computer of course."

Customer: "I can't receive any e-mail. Is the internet full?"

Customer: "I don't have a computer at home. Is the internet available by book?"

Customer: "Is the internet open at sunday too?"

Customer: "The internet is very slow. Can't you restart it?"

Helpdesk: "Helpdesk, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I wish to file a complaint."
Helpdesk: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "I specifically told you not to install any pornography on my internet. I demand that you remove it at once."

Een customer couldn't make connection to the internet.
Helpdesk: "Are you sure you used the right password?"
Customer: "Yes, I'm sure. I've seen a college of mine doing it."
Helpdesk: "Could you tell me what the password is?"
Customer: "Five asterisks."

Customer: "I recently bought a computer of yours, but the printer doesn't work."
Helpdesk: "Okay, what's the problem?"
Customer: "It doesn't work at all. When I try to print nothing happens. And then there's a message 'Can't find printer'."
Helpdesk: "Are you sure you connected the printer accurately?"
Customer: "Yes. The plug is in the socket."
Helpdesk: "Is the printer cable connected to the computer?"
Customer: "I don't know. I've read the instructions and there was something about plugging into the computer, but that was too complicated. I simply placed the printer next to the computer, just like on the picture in the manual. I thought it might be too far away, but it's now standing agaisnt the computer and it still doesn't work."
Helpdesk: "Ehm. You have to plug the printer cable into the computer. The cable should go from the printer to the computer. If all is well there should be a cable in the box when you bought the computer."
Customer: "Not that I recall. There was a strange looking cable, but I thought it was extra, so I threw it away."
Helpdesk: "You really need another printer cable if you want to print. And then you have to connect it to your computer and to your printer."
Customer: "It doesn't show on the picture."
Helpdesk: "Perhaps it doesn't show on the picture, but if you want to be able to print you really should do that."
Customer: "Oh, all right. This is all very confusing."
Helpdesk: "So the only thing you have to do is buy a printer cable and connect it."
Customer: "So you mean I have to buy extra things to get my computer to work?"
Helpdesk: "No, you already had a fine printer cable, but you threw that away, like you told me."
Customer: "I think I'll call my neighbour. He'll know how to get my printer to work."

Customer: "I can't print. Every time I try it says: 'Can't find printer'. I even lifted the printer and put it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it."

Helpdesk: "Good afternoon. How can I help you?"
Customer: "Eeh. Hello. I can't print."
Helpdesk: "Could you click on the 'Start' button and...?"
Customer: "Now you listen to me. Don't get technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates for christ's sake!"

Helpdesk: "Please click on the icon 'My computer' at the left side of your screen."
Customer: "Is that left to you or left to me?"

Customer: "There suddenly popped up a message on my screen. It says 'Click OK'. What should I do?"

Customer: "I got a big problem. A friend of mine just installed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse it disappears!"

[Puwen]

Seriously, when i worked in the answer I have got some of these questions. Its realy hard to not laugh when you hear the customer. Last funny one I had was a customer that had a broadband modem called 9volt adapter.:D

[DrAlimentado]

a true story (as related to me anyway...)

customer: I've just got my new computer and the scanner dosen't work.

cs: just to check the obvious it is plugged in with the power on right?

customer: yeah, everythings plugged in, but when I pass the paper over the screen nothing happens.

cs: which screen specifically do you mean?

customer: the screen, where you see stuff!

cs: so let me get this straight, have you actually got a seperate scanner unit, or are you holding the page up to the monitor screen?

customer: I don't know what you mean by a seperate unit, I'm passing the page in front of the screen, that's right isn't it?

cs: ok, I'll tell you what to do, unplug everything and carefully pack it back into the box. Now take the box back the shop, go up to the customer service desk and tell them 'I'd like to return this as I'm too thick to have a computer'

he got the sack apparently. [lol]

[Turner_727]

Ah yes, the old 'You're too stupid to own a computer' bit. Funny, actually.

Here's where it started (http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm#stupid)


But yes, I've had many a day in tech support. I got to the point where I would go out to the clinical lab at my old job and not say a word, just plug the terminal back in. . .

[Matrix]

I got the stories from a newspaper (NRC). I translated it to English for you. ;) (And for CFC's Humor & Jokes.)

[Turner_727]

Yeah, I like the one about the 'icons', and the gut was offended because of religious beliefs. TS tried to call them 'little pictures', and pissed the guy off.

I had one user upset because her database wasn't loading very quickly. This was a massive database, employee recoreds, something like 15 to 20 meg. We couldn't figure out why it was taking so long, then I realized that she wasn't plugged into the network. She was dialed in.

[Shabbaman]

Funny. Almost as funny as the bastard operator from hell (http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html)!
Not as funny as dutch former prime minister Wim Kok pointing at the screen with a mouse (amof I had a discussion with my professor about that recently, it could have been he was used to those wireless presentation thingies...)

[Stapel]

quote:Originally posted by Turner_727

Ah yes, the old 'You're too stupid to own a computer' bit. Funny, actually.

Here's where it started (http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm#stupid)


But yes, I've had many a day in tech support. I got to the point where I would go out to the clinical lab at my old job and not say a word, just plug the terminal back in. . .


That indeed is a notorious story. According to the werbsite it stops being true at the point where the supporter tells the customer she is too stupid.

However:
In 1999 I read an article in a pc-magazine, that was actually describing the juridical trial following the sack..... So I supposed it was true. The article was written during the trial and ended with something like: "to be continued" or "verdict on that&that day"...

The article even quoted the poor supporter's attorney.....

[Turner_727]

quote:Originally posted by Shabbaman

Funny. Almost as funny as the bastard operator from hell (http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html)!
Not as funny as dutch former prime minister Wim Kok pointing at the screen with a mouse (amof I had a discussion with my professor about that recently, it could have been he was used to those wireless presentation thingies...)


Oh god. . . I love BOFH! I used to be an operator on OpenVMS systems. . .the things I would try to do to these people. . .

We had one guy set up everyone's login.bat to scan for it's own PID, and delete the pid. . . no one could get in. . . (No, it wasn't me. Before my time. But I would have done something like that.)