View Full Version : Meli's back
Melifluous
24-02-2008, 21:00
Hey Guys,
Sorry for not being around much recently. Things kinda got complicated on me in a hurry and I've been trying to sort stuff out.
Short version is that my wife turned round to me and said she didn't feel the same about me anymore and wanted to seperate.
The long version involves a lot more swearing and a man called Marcus that she's been seeing.
So anyways from 1st March I'm moving into my new flat and trying to work out what the fuck to do with my life....
Any ideas?
[meli]
Ouch! Nice to see you're taking it brightly, considering. You gotta be having a hard time, still.
So what are the options here?
Melifluous
24-02-2008, 21:40
The options are...
nil...
I eat shit and smile :)
[meli]
Melifluous
24-02-2008, 21:44
And as for taking it well....
I'm not.
I'm absolutely devastated and have no idea what to do on my own.
Still nobody died.
Gah. Life sucks atm...
[meli]
If it can cheer you up: http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org
Sweet jesus, that's not a message I expected to read. But yea, those are hard times to go through.
I suggest a visit to Groningen this summer. [mischief]
In the mean time I'd say...hang out with friends, and do fun stuff you otherwise wouldn't have time for, or your family life didn't allow you to. I can imagine the gap you fall into when having to live alone again after such a long time. Cry, mourn, woe, but not too long, cos eventually you will have to get used to your new daily life.
Wow Meli, wish I new what to say....other than the echoing Matrix's suggestions. Never mind Beorn, he's Canadian.
Darkness
24-02-2008, 22:48
Damn, that's tough Meli! :(
I'll just echo Matrix' and Mauers' suggestions.
Good luck with moving on!
quote:Originally posted by Darkness
Damn, that's tough Meli! :(
I'll just echo Matrix' and Mauers' suggestions.
Good luck with moving on!
As above.
Welcome back meli though.
socralynnek
25-02-2008, 00:39
Oh, that's bad.
Good news is: we are still here.
Probably the only good news...
No, wait, another good news: I am 100% sure that there will be more good news.
barbu1977
25-02-2008, 01:22
Too bad meli,
Probably not an happy reason to be back, but we are happy to see you!
Socrates
25-02-2008, 01:36
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
So anyways from 1st March I'm moving into my new flat and trying to work out what the fuck to do with my life....
Any ideas?
Don't get back to Civ (if you had ever stopped it), is my first thought.
Truely sorry for your situation, Steve. [blush2] Hope you'll manage it well with her, and also regarding what you told us was the most important thing in your life... Anyway, you keep your part of real British humour here, that's a good thing, is what I want to believe. :)
romeothemonk
25-02-2008, 02:31
That is a kick in privates. I'm sorry
From a legal point of view, don't let her take all your stuff and break your heart (If you can help it)
On the positive side of things, a guy with your knowledge, skill sets, and wry humor can do quite a bit. Just think of it as a fresh chance to do whatever it is you always wanted. Think back to when you were growing up, and try and remember what you wanted to do, then do it. I doubt it was sit around and drink, but you are a different kind of guy. I am reasonably sure that without meeting you in person that your goal in life was not to sit around by yourself and be depressed. So, in typical fashion, I wish the best for you, will pray for you, and encourage you to go do that which you always wanted to.
grahamiam
25-02-2008, 02:35
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
Any ideas?
[meli]
Sorry to read this.
Here's my bad idea -> www.sugardaddie.com Just pretend you're a millionaire for a few weeks and go trolling for some hot, shallow chicks. Or, become a gigalo :)
Markstar
25-02-2008, 02:42
So sorry to hear about your situation. Keep your head up!
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
The options are...
nil...
I think this is the crucial part. Like Romeo said, think of the things you've always wanted to do but ended up skipping. You've grown and your interests have probably changed, but your skills and experience also have improved. Think of who you are now, what you've done, what you can do and put that together on a paper.
Ideas about where to go from there shouldn't be too hard to find after that, you should also write those down. It's much easier to re-learn to live after something awful when you have something else to do.
And whatever you like doing, some exercise never hurts. Run, swim, bike, get your ass off the couch.
sz_matyas
25-02-2008, 04:05
Wow, that sucks nothing else to say really.
Other people are giving better advice than I ever could, though beorn did have some good advice on the exercise (among all the other good advice by others). This is the crucial time and the decisions made are going to be important so don't blow it just because you're bummed out.
Well, I don't know your details but what it seems now will not remain that way after some time. And whatever happens, happens for the good at least on some part of it. You might not be able to see it but there is plus to every minus especially with regards to women.
What about kids?
Lt. Killer M
25-02-2008, 09:01
wow.
:(
I am very sorry to hear that, Steve! But you have not mentioned the (in my eyes) most important part: what about the next generation? Will she give you trouble about seeing him?
Wow, that sucks Meli.......
What to say????
This sucks man...
Ah shit, Steve. That's tough.
As Killer implies, you need to maintain good enough relations with your ex for your kid's sake and not burn too many bridges.
and as we talked on MSN.. there is always a spot at my bar for you.
Melifluous
25-02-2008, 14:20
Well I'm keeping it as civil as I possibly can. I am moving out as quick as she can, I'm sorting the money out so she can afford to keep the house. My wife will not get in the way of me seeing my son and has told me I can come round every night to read him a bedtime story if I like. We'll see how long that lasts...
Thanks for all your replies I'd reply to them all in turn if I could be arsed :) Got very drunk last night and felt really depressed today. But suddenly a bit of chatting here and at a certain other site and I feel much much better now.
Kendo I reckon.
Always fancied the idea of sword fighting without getting bits chopped off.
[meli]
PS. Sorry about dropping out of the MSN convo early Misty, was very drunk and passed out on the sofa [:p]
That's hard news Mel. And I've seen it many times and experienced it myself and although it means a couple of months to get used to the new situation I'm pretty sure you can find a new equilibrium and a new future.
Kids make these kind of shit pretty hard but to the best of my knowledge it is common practice that the parents can sort a schedule for taking care of the kids and again from experience this is the most challenging part.
The money issue often is confused with that and often used in relation to growing up the kids. Lawyers make a living out of that and although they can't always be avoided try to settle with minimal use of them cause they will cash in from both of you.
With all the emotions involved around the seperation you probably see a huge wall you have to handle, there are a couple you have to settle and although the tunnel might look dark there is light on the end of it.
Having been there it's no fun at the outset. Stay close to your friends and family Meli. They'll help a lot so lean on them.
I remember asking my friend Jill..."should I put the apples in the refrigerator or leave them out"? She said "you can do what you want".
Melifluous
27-02-2008, 14:06
Thanks again for all your replies, I value each and everyone of you (yes even you Whomp :p)
Fucking weird night last night, son was at scouts, wife suggested we went out for a drink. So we went to the pub, she was pretty distant and i asked what was up. She said she was annoyed cos her bloke hadn't phoned her that day.
I suggested she call him, so she did and then asked me if I would mind if Marcus came to the pub. I said ok, and waited with my wife until he was due to be there, then slipped out just before he got there...
I called my wife about 5 mins to make sure he was there and he was. He suggested I come back and have a pint so I did.
Spent 30 minutes talking about stuff with him whilst my wife occupied herself elsewhere in the pub.
I left to pick up my son and left them to it...
Christ I can't wait to move out Saturday.
[meli]
Wow, I bet that was amazingly awkward! Out of curiosity, what did his attitude toward you and the situation seem?
Melifluous
27-02-2008, 16:08
I did have a few different ways I could have played it. I settled with the option above. The other options were
1) Stand up in the pub and shout "Can we all give Marcus a big round of applause?" and start clapping. Then stop and say "He's fucking my wife here, whilst I'm stuck at home looking after my 9 year son"
or
2) Wait for him to walk in and say hi, go to shake hand then slam a pint glass into his face and say "Thats what you get for fucking my wife"
I think I chose the right option...
[meli]
PS. The other 2 options make me smle though...
Maturity is over-rated. Buy him a pint then piss in it before you hand it over.
Markstar
27-02-2008, 17:24
Wow, I'm impressed. I don't know if I could have been as mature. Sure you want to keep it civil for the kid, but the chance of outing them in a public place? I think I would have gone for option 1) as well had I thought about it before (usually I think of stuff like that after the chance is gone).
I really feel for you. I don't know what I would do if my girlfriend and I broke up. We know each other for 14 years, are together for 10 (she is 24 while I'm 28) and we have both never been on one real date. I'd be totally lost as a single. Anyways, I wish you good luck.
Melifluous
27-02-2008, 17:41
I'm thinking of putting Imac in my wife's shampoo before I leave [:p]
But I know I won't :(
[meli]
Socrates
27-02-2008, 19:59
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
Fucking weird night last night
[:o] [blink] [xx(]
I just cannot imagine the scene, what could this [backstab]-er want from you ???
Anyway, best hope for you Mel, and, as I said, for the kid !
Melifluous
27-02-2008, 23:56
quote:Originally posted by mauer
Wow, I bet that was amazingly awkward! Out of curiosity, what did his attitude toward you and the situation seem?
Hmm sorry I'll reply to this now. It was awkward. I started the conversation with "Hi! Ready for a really uncomfortable 30 minutes?".
He was worried, really worried. I'm hoping my super niceness makes him feel worse and not better. I explained everything about our life together and how my wife could feel that she's never really had a life living alone. I explained how we met up and then my sister was run over and we looked after each other for the 8 months my sister was in a coma. I told him about how I was beginning to question whether it was love that kept us together or merely the need to have someone near that cared. I told him that he had better treat my wife right and look after her. I told him I was looking forward and not dwelling on the past, that I was looking forward to see what life was like and not piss about in the past.
My wife came back after a cigarette and he asked her to go away and leave us to talk.
[snigger] My wife is really not going to like his attitude, he seems like a nice guy, but he wont put up with any of her shit :)
I'm looking forward to it not being my problem anymore...
[meli]
quote:he wont put up with any of her shit
The nice thing about ended relationships is that you can always rely on shit like that to remind you you're not so much worse off, in the end.
socralynnek
28-02-2008, 09:12
I think you behaved right. Give her a bad conscience. That is the best "revenge" you can get, s.t. she is asking herself in some time why she left you at all.
Options 1) and 2) might be a short success but you'll get more the other way. I guess. But one never really knows...
Melifluous
28-02-2008, 11:32
quote:Originally posted by socralynnek
I think you behaved right. Give her a bad conscience. That is the best "revenge" you can get, s.t. she is asking herself in some time why she left you at all.
That will probably be around the time when I'm realising how lucky I was to get out...
[meli]
Sorry to hear Meli, it's never fun in such circumstances. My sister and her husband have split up over the last year and I've done a lot of to-ing and fro-ing to try and keep things civil between them. Her husband had your attitude and it really helped to get through things and out the other side without it all ending up in hate and rows and lawyers delaying things even more and costing a fortune. They're both now looking to a new life without hate from the old one messing things up. I think you've made the right choice even though it may be tempting to plot revenge at times.
Bravo on the being the better man thing Meli. Options one and two are probably what I would have done, but ended up wishing I hadn't. I lack self control with my mouth at times. You'll be better off down the road not having done that though.
My dad had that attitude as well even though my mom dragged him through all the shit she could find on the face of this Earth ... but then again, my brother and I now have a straight idea of who's ok and who's a dirty female dog. If only for your son, this is the much better thing to do indeed.
Melifluous
29-02-2008, 01:25
I'm getting tired of being bloody nice to her face so I stay out the night tonight at a friends.
My wife phones me up drunk accusing me of being at her friend Sarah's house that she now hates apparently...
She demands I never get together with Sarah on pain of massive retribution and courts.
I'm having a few beers at a friends house called Tristan and I'm like huh?
Talk to her about how cool we are for being so sensible about the breakup and I that I don't want a relationship right now, I just want to learn to live with myself at the moment and she subsides.
WTF!?!
Well, she WAS drunk ... she's now realizing how bad a mess she made, apparently.
Cheers to Tristan.
I think it's time to set some boundaries on calls like that. She has no right to read you the riot act and especially when she's not in the right frame of mind. She needs to know that you're going to need some repair here and that she must respect this.
Must second Whomp but if you can do it gently, that might be better for everyone. I mean, it is a woman's way to say nice good buy and she's expecting to stay on good terms with you by showing that she cares.
Definitely not acceptable behaviour, she's still trying to control you. Sounds like she's panicing as B said. Tread carefully, if you go in hard it's not likely to stay civil. You'll be moving out soon which will help, from then on you can tell her what she does is her business, what you do is yours (but not quite as bluntly as that).
Meli- is there no chance you can get custody of the little fella?
Pastorius
04-03-2008, 21:04
Sorry to hear this. I second all of the more reasonable comments above.
Shabbaman
20-03-2008, 07:37
Hey meli, I just read this shit (after being away for so long you have a lot of reading to catch up to... mostly spam luckily). All I can say is "hang in there" (though it sounds lame), and don't do things you'll regret afterwards. Crap. Terrible.
Melifluous
25-03-2008, 14:29
OK well most of the shit and bad feeling has been and gone.
I think I've come to terms with living alone now and it's kinda fun.
In other news I've kinda decided that I'm going to stop saying no for a while :)
Don't abuse this, but I'm pretty much up for visiting anyone in the world at the moment.
Sheffield in April, New Jersey in May, Gronigen (or however you damned spell it) in July.
A concert late April (Supergrass), a festival at the end of August (Reading) and a big kick ass party/re-union in October (A friends wife's 30th party)
My calendar is filling up. Catch me while you can...
[meli]
PS. Oh and my brothers wedding at the start of May :)
Shabbaman
25-03-2008, 15:40
Migrating the forum to vB? :D
BTW, Groningen has it's own airport. I have no clue if they have connections to the UK, but it's worth finding out. Having you at Matrix' place would be SUPER AWESOM!!!1!!!11eleveneleveneleveneleven!!!1
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
... I think I've come to terms with living alone now and it's kinda fun. ...
[beer1] Sure it is fun.
Lt. Killer M
25-03-2008, 16:21
hehe, meli, then a stop in Berlin is obligatory! We'll have our new house guest-ready by July anyways :)
grahamiam
25-03-2008, 16:24
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
New Jersey in May
[meli]
Where?
New Jersey.. it is on the East Coast of the USA.. sheesh our public schooling is going to hell
grahamiam
25-03-2008, 20:14
http://www.civ3duelzone.com/forum/uploaded/grahamiam/2008325201430_dicktown.JPG
Socrates
25-03-2008, 21:24
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
A concert late April (Supergrass)
Very good band. Might want to check out if they're visiting Paris soon...
Where you seeing supergrass? didnt even know they were touring so i might pay them a visit. Weird that Mary just came on as i saw that!
quote:Originally posted by Shabbaman
BTW, Groningen has it's own airport. I have no clue if they have connections to the UK, but it's worth finding out.
It's connected to London City Airport, but that's rather expensive (around €250). Best is to fly to Schiphol. Then it's still about 2h45m by train to Groningen Noord though. (Just one hour if we'd have the Zuiderzeelijn maglev. [rolleyes])
I've been searching: a ticket London Gatwick - Schiphol costs around €120 and a train ticket (weekend retour) Schiphop - Groningen €40. I couldn't find info about London City - Groningen; I think they're not flying on the appropriate dates.
Easyjet from Luton to Schipol is pretty cheap, especially if you live nearby as I do. I looked to see if they went to Groningen, but they don't. Dutch trains are pretty easy to negotiate though.
Ferry's fairly cheap from memory- dunno how you would work it though.
Melifluous
08-04-2008, 00:06
Ho Ho Ho.
How life likes me at the moment.
Just spent the whole weekend sat in intensive care wondering if my wife was going to live or not...
Apparently my wife managed to contract a lovely dose of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meningococcal
Admitted to hospital feeling pretty crappy, the funky rash got her moved immediately to Intensive Care and I was called at 12.50am on Saturday.
Pretty much been there ever since. Only thing is now she's out of danger and on a general ward...
Bloody odd game life sometimes.
[meli]
Lt. Killer M
08-04-2008, 00:20
Oh shit! Isn't it enough that my daughter contracted pneumococcal stuff after being immunized? Now your wife.... well, whatever your relation to her now is, I still keep my fingers crossed for her!
Well, at least you can't say life is boring, Meli. ;)
But yea, that's a pretty nasty decease, so I too do hope she gets better.
Wow Meli, I'm glad I'm not the only one with family issues here.
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
Bloody odd game life sometimes.
[meli]
Well, it is and there is little one can do is help to the best of their ability, pray, and hope it ends well.
Shabbaman
08-04-2008, 07:40
Contracting a rare disease, that's bad luck indeed. And I thought meningitis was a disease for children. You learn something every day. Hang in there!
Have you bought a nintendo DS yet? It makes waiting all day a little bit less boring.
socralynnek
08-04-2008, 09:40
Very odd indeed.
I hope she will be well soon, I guess, you still hope that, too.
Must be feeling strange sitting there and waiting, especially with your current relationship...
killercane
10-04-2008, 16:29
quote:Originally posted by Melifluous
Ho Ho Ho.
How life likes me at the moment.
Just spent the whole weekend sat in intensive care wondering if my wife was going to live or not...
Apparently my wife managed to contract a lovely dose of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meningococcal
Admitted to hospital feeling pretty crappy, the funky rash got her moved immediately to Intensive Care and I was called at 12.50am on Saturday.
Pretty much been there ever since. Only thing is now she's out of danger and on a general ward...
Bloody odd game life sometimes.
[meli]
Sorry to hear that brother. Thats a pretty terrible way to spend your birthday.
barbu1977
10-04-2008, 17:39
Sorry to hear that also
Have you considered writing your own trash wersion of this board game:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_of_Life
wow mel, totally shocked reading this all. Sure hope life is treating you a bit better nowadays
Melifluous
08-05-2008, 17:07
Well after she came out of hospital she says she'd like another go at our marriage...
I spend about 2 weeks off work looking after her and stuff and then she says it wont work and she wants me to move out again [:p]
So back solo in my flat, ready to tour the world [:p]
[meli]
Your smileys are happy ones but I reckon it's a pretty crap situation. Although it probably wont help long term I'll join you in heavy drinking in Groningen on your world tour to alleviate thigs on the short term
Yea, good thing there's always the alcohol for those in trouble. [mischief]
Shabbaman
08-10-2008, 17:17
Mel, it's time for your 3000th post celebration. Where are you?
Socrates
08-10-2008, 19:00
Must have missed the switch to the new site. Someone, telegraph him the new URL.
Pastorius
08-10-2008, 20:12
Mel, we miss you!
Pastorius
08-10-2008, 20:49
Messaged the man to make sure he's allright
Melifluous
09-10-2008, 10:36
Woot!
And I got the message and wandered back :)
Sorry for the hiatus, work + home life = A busy stressed out Meli!
I Aint Ded!
Will come back and spam up the place later. But for now I need to get my head down and work :(
Laters
[meli]
Darkness
09-10-2008, 11:06
Meli's back! :)
Pastorius
09-10-2008, 14:13
[woohoo]
Shabbaman
09-10-2008, 14:30
I Aint Ded!
Good to know! We missed you. You'll be having time to do some adminstratoring in the near future? The admin control panel is fun ;)
Melifluous
09-10-2008, 14:33
Ooooh.
I like Admins. How do I get to it and what do you want me to do?
Probably best to reply by PM :p
[meli]
OMG 3,000th post!
What a piece of shit to be my seminal post.
Meh.
Bunnies?
Pastorius
09-10-2008, 15:37
Bah, only 3000 posts. You sissyboy
Socrates
09-10-2008, 21:20
Welcome back Meli !
Funny, he had 2,999 posts yesterday, and 2 posts later [EDIT : more than that, since he also spammed other threads] he is stucked at 3,000. Oh my God, Meli has already found the admin panel and is messing with it ! [:O]
Welcome back Meli !
Funny, he had 2,999 posts yesterday, and 2 posts later [EDIT : more than that, since he also spammed other threads] he is stucked at 3,000. Oh my God, Meli has already found the admin panel and is messing with it ! [:O]
Damn internerds are taking the piss out of our new forum already:eek:.
romeothemonk
10-10-2008, 12:58
You can do that? Maybe I should work on becoming more of an internerd!
It may beat being a regular nerd.
Melifluous
02-03-2009, 01:07
\o/
Melifluous
02-03-2009, 01:13
Sorry for not being about,
Work has been a complete arse (I work for stockbrokers) but I'm hanging in there and it is mostly ok.
However in better news I'm about to move in back home again with my wife, the last year has been very good for both of us and I shan't make the same mistake twice.
Happy families ahead.
Go Meli
Meli
Good to hear! So you're not officially separated yet? And what about that other guy? Is he out of the picture?
Melifluous
02-03-2009, 01:19
He's retreated back inside his head and whilst officially still being a friend of my wife has unofficially become a vassal state.
And most certainly not officially seperated (it takes 5 years in the UK) so back I move once more.
Nice to see you again Maarten.
Meli
Good to read this Meli!
Work has been a complete arse (I work for stockbrokers) but I'm hanging in there and it is mostly ok.
I work for RBS..........
Good news Mel! Hope this is the start of more good news for you to come.
Socrates
02-03-2009, 20:56
He's retreated back inside his head and whilst officially still being a friend of my wife has unofficially become a vassal state.
Hehehehehe. :D
it takes 5 years in the UK
Man ! [:O]
Anyway, good to see you in shape, Meli. I'm happy for you.
Welcome back and good to read you're back home.
Continue the quality spam!
Shabbaman
06-03-2009, 10:33
Make the best of it Meli. But it seems that you've left again. We need a solid influx of spam, and that requires your participance!
Shabbaman
10-09-2009, 16:59
[bump]
barbu1977
10-09-2009, 19:26
And so many...
BCLG,
Whomp,
Romeo,
Kemal,
Anares,
grs,
Killercane,
Roboo,
Tubby,
Erikk,
Shabbaman
10-09-2009, 20:20
And so many...
BCLG,
Whomp,
Romeo,
Kemal,
Anares,
grs,
Killercane,
Roboo,
Tubby,
Erikk,
Time for a "come back and spam some more you bastards"-thread.
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