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View Full Version : Press announcement comp. weeks 1-3


Shabbaman
27-01-2006, 10:46
Let's start this thing! Discussion in the other thread (http://www.civ3duelzone.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3368), lols and rofls are acceptable in this thread (or beter, appreciated, since it might ease judging).

Rules:
*500 characters maximum in the original language
*please post your submission between "quote" and "/quote" to make clear what part of your post is the announcement and what part is spam
*must be posted in the corresponding week(s)
*obv. that doesn't count for non-supporter press releases
*while we're at it, non-supporters can post their made up "press releases" as well. For now at least, until someone is making a fuss about it

Submissions will be judged at:
*originality
*hattrick references or puns
*football references or puns
*real life (what's that) references or puns
*to a lesser extent, proper use of language: not everyone's english is as fluent as mistfit's ;)

On a sidenote, I like recurring jokes. I also like references to other people's press announcements or results. Just as a pointer ;)

Example:

This is my (translated) press announcement for this week:

quote:FC sign Schäfer
Shabba FC has strengthend it's selection with veteran Felix Schäfer. The FC has high hopes that his outstanding free kicks will bring the CDZ cup to the cathedral of Groningens club football once again.
Schäfer hopes to end his career as a player in Groningen, to take a role in the technical staff afterwards.
His role in the first team appears to be limited to pinchitting, but aside from the mental coaching of the reserves he could always assist in the fast food restaurant "The Fat Bite".

See? Easy as that. I hope my translation is a bit up to standard. If you're afraid the almighty jury misses a point, feel free to explain that.
In this case, I used "the FC" because the club from the region I play in (and where I don't live in any more, coincidentally), often refers to the local club as "the FC" (in dutch, then, obv.). The guy I bought is going to be my new coach next year. His stats are awful, but he has outstanding SP. This is nice, because it coincidentally coexides (?) with the transfer of SP specialist Van Hooijdonk to Feyenoord. So I can put a lousy pun about that in it. The reference to the fast food restaurant is a pointer to my previous press release. Someone has come up with a funny message referring to a fast food restaurant that is shown when you fire a player. My previous YP was really bad, so I fired him and got that message. My previous press announcement was about how happy the club was with the new fast food restaurant in the renovated stadium.

So, fire away!

Dell19
27-01-2006, 12:25
Announcements so far this season:

quote:High Scoring Start to the Season
Sporting Jackdaw were the visitors for Wartham's first VI match for two seasons. It turned out to be a cracking game for the 33000 fans that turned up with the home team twice losing 2 goal leads to then finally win the game 7-4. With Sporting being widely tipped as the main opposition in the league fans are hoping that this result signals that they will be watching V football again next season.

Dave Ryan scored a hattrick in the match to take the early lead in the top scorers chart.

quote:Johnny Fitzpatrick
Probably the best ever youth pull that this team has ever seen left the club today to travel to Guildford to play for his new club where he expected to develop his defence skills and rumours are that he could well feature in the U20 England squad in the future. We could unfortunately not keep the player due to training scoring.

Easy league win on sunday, next the third round of the cup.

quote:Cup Glory
A Dave Ryan hattrick and a goal apiece from Mazo and Karlbom booked Wartham's place in the fifth round. The match was a riveting encounter with Wartham holding a narrow 3-2 lead at the end of the first half. The lead taken after Mazo had raced from defence to score at the other end.

Early in the second half two more goals were scored for Wartham but carelessness lead to a nervous last ten minutes when Wolves managed to pull two goals back. The match finished 5-4.

Mistfit
27-01-2006, 13:02
My Press Announcements from this season:
quote:1/9/2006 Season Begins..
The Marauders start their season looking like they were hung over from their off season partying. The loss to the Penfolds is hopefully a wake up call for the team.
Owner Miles Mistfit said " I don't want to take anything away from the Penfolds as they have the best keeper we have ever played against, but with a dominate midfield and time of possession I feel the guys let this one slip thru their fingers."

New team policy after this debacle...
No drinking during the games... Sorry Guinness


Note: Guinness FC is a team from my league

quote:1/19/2006 Week 2... More dissapointment
Week 2 of the Marauders brings the club more dissapointment with a 1-0 loss to the Guinness FC.

"Even though the Midfield was dominated by us the boys could not score a single try" said Coach Kanstrup.

Owner Miles Mistfit was overheard talking to Coach Kanstrup about his newest idea for motivating the players... Shock Therapy. We will have to see how it goes.

Next up a visit to the beer nuts


quote:1/23/2006 Week 3 - first win!
Owner Miles Mistfit was seen before the league match collecting batteries and jumper cables. He was quoted as saying "If these bastards do not win this match we are upping the voltage!"

Luckily for the Marauders they managed a win against the Beer Nuts. Team Captain Yetkin Cantürk said "We had to play a good game this week... Have you ever had jumper cables hooked to your (censored)? It hurts like a (censored) !!"

Next week the dreaded Socceraggies!

Shabbaman
03-02-2006, 11:57
Well, the jury has unanimously decided mistfit as the winner! Congratulations for Dell on his marvelous second place!

The standings so far:

1. Mistfit, 10 points
2. Dell19, 9 points

I hope next round draws a bit more enthousiasm. Just one more day until the deadline!