smalltalk
08-01-2004, 21:03
C:
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++:
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."
Objective-C (NeXT):
You write a protocol for shooting yourself in the foot so that all people can get shot in their feet.
Algol:
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
Ada:
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
Pascal:
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
APL:
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it fewer characters.
Assembly:
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
or
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
BASIC:
Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic:
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care, what you're missing.
FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If it hurts, you continue anyway because you have no exception-processing ability.
COBOL:
USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs to be retied.
DBase:
You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.
Logo
You starve the turtle until it gnaws away your foot.
sh, csh, etc.:
You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You shoot yourself in the head.
smalltalk:
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
Windows:
You consume all available system resources with your collection of mouse pointer animations. The Software Department doubles its size, triples its budget, and stomps on your foot until you apply the latest patches and hot-fixes.
Prolog:
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
lisp:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
Paradox:
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
SQL:
declare trigger on gun
if exists(select * from bullets) then
delete toe from foot
370 JCL:
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o: No such file or directory
% ls
%
Motif:
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
HTML:
<a target="http://www.body.org/lower-half/leg/foot.html">Shoot here</a>
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++:
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's me, over there."
Objective-C (NeXT):
You write a protocol for shooting yourself in the foot so that all people can get shot in their feet.
Algol:
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
Ada:
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
Pascal:
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
APL:
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it fewer characters.
Assembly:
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
or
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.
BASIC:
Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic:
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care, what you're missing.
FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If it hurts, you continue anyway because you have no exception-processing ability.
COBOL:
USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. Check whether shoelace needs to be retied.
DBase:
You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.
Logo
You starve the turtle until it gnaws away your foot.
sh, csh, etc.:
You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You shoot yourself in the head.
smalltalk:
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
Windows:
You consume all available system resources with your collection of mouse pointer animations. The Software Department doubles its size, triples its budget, and stomps on your foot until you apply the latest patches and hot-fixes.
Prolog:
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
lisp:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
Paradox:
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
SQL:
declare trigger on gun
if exists(select * from bullets) then
delete toe from foot
370 JCL:
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o: No such file or directory
% ls
%
Motif:
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
HTML:
<a target="http://www.body.org/lower-half/leg/foot.html">Shoot here</a>